Sunday, July 19, 2015

This Week in Online Dating

Well, it was another interesting yet fruitless week in the online dating world. What's the expression? Same shit, different day? Yeah, that's it.


This one was impressive because the below foursome of images are ONE DUDE'S PROFILE. He had only four photos posted, and THREE were fish. And one is a far away artsy fartsy shot.

Here was my next fish-match. I admit I was intrigued by the offer to go watch amateur wrestling in a sketchy neighbourhood round these parts.

EXHIBIT B) Not thrilled by the throne

This one is reader-submitted (I HAVE A READER!).

Notice first the toilet. I think it's probably best to leave toilets and all the things they bring to mind OUT of your first impression, although the hand-towel game here is on point. Also notice that he is not the only photographer. There is someone with a more badass camera capturing this moment. Why would anyone want to have a photo of a guy taking a bathroom selfie? Probably only to mock it later when looking at the rest of the wedding photos. My assumption, given his outfit and the presence of a real photog, is wedding.

EXHIBIT C: Try harder, whoever you are

Again with the (likely) copy/paste message. I'm not a bitch and I'm not opposed to someone paying me a compliment. In fact, I think that's very nice! And I would have responded if, 1) he made one singular comment about what I'd written on my profile 2) I knew who the fuck he was in this group of three (and it was his only photo).

0% match also indicates this person hasn't filled out any of the questions

EXHIBIT D) The Flooder

This guy I actually responded to (as I do sometimes, I'm not on these apps solely for the purposes of mocking, it's just a side benefit), which incited a barrage of messages one after the other, with very little time in between. I'm talking a minute or so. I'm not a fan of the flood over any medium, be it text, email, or a messaging service like Kik, or OKCupid or Tinder. It's very poor online etiquette. Just. Don't. Do it.

My advice, to anyone messaging anyone for any reason, is to think what you want to say in advance, self-edit, and be concise. This deluge of messages, at least in the dating world, reeks of desperation and impatience, and also indicates a bit of a scattered personality.

See ya next week! More adventures to come, I'm sure.


  1. Don't people get it? If they've caught that many fish they likely have crabs too! Just sayin'

  2. LOL that's hilarious! For me the association with all the fish is a bad smell. Also there's something to be said for a person's need to show off so much. LOOK WHAT I DID! It's what kids do.